Private Message to Barty Crouch, Jr and Rabastan Lestrange

[alt_narcissa]

Well, are you both able to walk on the ground this morning, or have your heads grown so swollen that you're floating above us all?

Raz, it's a shame you can't come to the release party tonight. Any Witch Weekly red carpet affair is simply packed with eligible ladies, some of whom might be able to tame even you. Yes, I suppose you're forgiven. Somewhat. When this happens again (and I daresay it will), you might ask your friend here for recommendations on the matter. I hear he is quite an expert at breaking things off with a lady. Rather like our dear Bella with a knife in her hand.

And in case you haven't inferred from that, Barty, yes, I had tea with Athena yesterday, at Katyenka, in fact. She had rather a lot to say, so I let her run down the litany of slights until we got to the heart of the matter. I believe I was able to offer her some perspective; she's taking your notoriety rather hard, poor thing, but I'm sure she'll reflect and eventually forgive you completely as well. Give her a week or 2. She was really rather sweet, the way she fished about to try to get me to tell her whether you were coming to Die Fledermaus or the Christmas concert series - and whether you've already found someone to accompany you. (If not, my dear, I am certain we can rectify that problem between tonight and Friday's festivities. You'll have to tell me tomorrow how things go for you tonight.)

Ah, my two heart-breakers. Top of the list with targets given a fresh coat of paint. Mother is so proud of her boys.

Comments

[alt_rabastan]

No need to be proud, only doing what comes naturally, yeah?

But in all seriousness, this is worse than when I won "best smile" (sorry Barty, you'll never be eligible for that!), and worse yet to have it happen in a school. Owls have been dropping packages on my head since breakfast, bearing cards and flowers and quite a few pairs of knickers. One of them was charmed to do some kind of dance. Luckily, I managed to keep the lid on the box through breakfast, but there was a suggestive rumba beat wafting from it.

[alt_crouch_jr]

Better in a school than have all these birds swooping around the Ministry. It's madness.

All the packages. And flowers. Knickers, even. None of them dancing, though. Unless Pennifold confiscated them for himself. In which case, he's welcome to them.

It's the letters and cards, though. Screeching. Bleating. Croaking.

And the pictures. Ugk.

This couldn't have happened last winter when most private owls were tied up serving the Ministry? None of this chaos then.

[alt_rabastan]

Croaking? Are you quite sure?

And yet I see below that Scrimgeour's forbidden further deliveries. No such luck here.

Shame you didn't qualify for the bad boys list. Obviously not for the reasons that they were, McLaggen and that lot, but a bad boy category all your own. Sent Ms Rathbone a message yet?

[alt_narcissa]

Dear heart, it's the same list. You are at the top of it, after all.

[alt_rabastan]

Since when did taking time before rushing into marriage make a boy bad?

[alt_narcissa]

Your smile may indeed be charming, Razzer - enough to win again, possibly - but at this moment you are sadly not.

Just because I've forgiven you does not mean it's carte blanche to go coy.

[alt_crouch_jr]

Croaking.

Did she not write you as well?

Lucky me.

[alt_crouch_jr]

Yes, well.

I hadn't realised Athena felt so aggrieved. It can't be helped, though. And it is for the best, since she was unprepared to countenance the realities of my position. Positions.

And, yes, of course I intend to be at Fledermaus and the concerts. I feel sure I'll find someone willing to go along. Perhaps you're right that I'll stumble upon someone suitable tonight or Friday. Thank you for the invitations, by the way. Most persuasively presented.

It will amuse you to know that the department's narrowly escaped being buried under an avalanche of parcels, missives, and flowers: Scrimgeour has forbidden any further deliveries.

He's perfectly right: it breaches all security protocols. I think they're redirecting all of it to Hatfield, where they can separate out any legitimate departmental post and incinerate the rubbish. No loss at all. The only greetings worth receiving came yesterday.

[alt_narcissa]

Well, dear, I think you'll find that most women would prefer to make their former lovers believe they are in perfect spirits following a separation, particularly if both parties agree that it's best. And she knows that it would not have worked, really. That doesn't mean she found no advantage to continuing on, just for the sake of the company. And I'm sure she has her own deluge of fan mail that your presence helped to curtail.

It's very possible that seeing your name and face splashed so prominently set off a whole new layer of resentment and hurt. Timing is everything, after all. Don't trouble over it too much, though it wouldn't harm things to let her know that you had no intent to cause her pain and that you certainly have no control over Rathbone's editorial board or your place in the standings.

But I'm surprised at you. You don't want to wade through endless variations on 'I've never written a letter like this before, but...' and troves of secret fantasy? Shocking.

What if something were a carefully disguised attempt at sabotage? You'd incinerate evidence of treasonous activity! I think you ought to tell Scrimgeour you'll personally evaluate them ALL. It's your solemn duty, isn't it?

[alt_crouch_jr]

You are evil. Thankfully if you write Scrimgeour with that suggestion today, your letter will reroute to Hatfield.

And, in fact, someone is going through the lot piece by piece on the very chance you suggest: it seems a perfect opportunity for an anarchist to attempt some act of sabbotage. Fortunately, the task is not mine. (I shouldn't ask after Travers' day, however, if you see him this evening.)

You do understand that one likes to take the initiative romantically. Being pursued is not nearly so appealing as pursuit. I don't mean that as commentary on Athena, of course. I'm honestly disappointed about the outcome.

[alt_narcissa]

You have diverted Travers to sift through your post and yet I am the evil one? I think we must disagree.

We must also disagree about the pleasures of courting. But I think your point of view simply demonstrates that men and women are perfectly made for each other: You wish constantly to be on the prowl for new conquests; we, on the other hand, find nothing so satisfying as to the be the object of desire.

[alt_narcissa]

Unless it's Raz doing the desiring, of course.

And perhaps I'll just write to Travers at Hatfield and remind him to save anything for you that really looks promising.

Or provoking.